It was hard in the beginnign to deal with the loss of my mother due to her decision tio shun me. But as I got healthier I just could not even tolerate her on the rare occisions I did see her. She is a woman who has created a fantasy about her life that has nothign to do with reality. Sometimes reality bites but it is a lot better then hypocrasy and lies
Lady Lee
JoinedPosts by Lady Lee
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Could you live with not talking to your JW family for the rest of your life?
by ÁrbolesdeArabia inone of greatest obstacles to leaving the organization is the destruction of the family unit.
as lady-lee wrote about oompa, i thought of this topic, the society says "this is their way to get wrong doing people to return to the loving arms of jehovah after they repent of their sins" .
i know of men and women who are in good standings and hate their fellow spiritual jw family, i am willing to bet, wager that "jw-hatred" exceeds the worlds hatred, something about a self-assured group versus the "not so self assured' creates one plucked up structure.
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How Suicidal Thoughts can take over your Life.
by Lady Lee inhow suicidal thoughts can take over your life.. i lived most of my life thinking about suicide.
i have clear memories when i was 8 years old thinking about what it would be like to die.
i went to sleep every night of my young childhood saying the prayer:.
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Lady Lee
UPDATE: I spoke with my oldest daughter today. She says she would never do to me what her sister has done. Things are still in an upheaval. And they may never work out with my youngest. But I have my older daughter and the grandchildren. I am blessed with a very forgiving daughter.
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How Suicidal Thoughts can take over your Life.
by Lady Lee inhow suicidal thoughts can take over your life.. i lived most of my life thinking about suicide.
i have clear memories when i was 8 years old thinking about what it would be like to die.
i went to sleep every night of my young childhood saying the prayer:.
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Lady Lee
I totally agree meds should be a part of what you do to take care of yourself. If you can't get up to do the things you need to do or to even get into talk therapy medication may be for you. Sometimes the problem is more of a health problem that needs to be dealt with so having a physical can rule that possibliity out. Sometimes the medication you are on has negative side-effects or has no effect at all. Talk to your doictor and change meds. Never go off meds entirely without the supervision of a doctor. Major withdrawal symptoms can be very dangerous. I won't be using meds. I have been through worse and am able to assess how I am doing. I will be okay.
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How Suicidal Thoughts can take over your Life.
by Lady Lee inhow suicidal thoughts can take over your life.. i lived most of my life thinking about suicide.
i have clear memories when i was 8 years old thinking about what it would be like to die.
i went to sleep every night of my young childhood saying the prayer:.
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Lady Lee
I'm already on all kinds of meds for pain. I have never used meds before, although there was a period of time when it would have helped.
I have been through therapy before and I know it from both sides of the desk so I feel ok just talking. I have no idea what will hit me next but my doctor and I have talked about it and I really trust her. And I now trust myself enough to know when to ask for meds.
I have often thought that if the younger one had kids she might understand more. She would have a chance to see the improved me. But then again she needs so much help that I'm glad she doesn't have any. At least I know she won't make many of the mistakes I made.
Left in. Don't give up. Take all the help offered well reasonable because there are a lot of pill-pushers and quacks out there. You have many people here who understand and can support you. You are not left in the cold anymore.
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How Suicidal Thoughts can take over your Life.
by Lady Lee inhow suicidal thoughts can take over your life.. i lived most of my life thinking about suicide.
i have clear memories when i was 8 years old thinking about what it would be like to die.
i went to sleep every night of my young childhood saying the prayer:.
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Lady Lee
wow sizemik. I think I will print that out and read it daily
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57
How Suicidal Thoughts can take over your Life.
by Lady Lee inhow suicidal thoughts can take over your life.. i lived most of my life thinking about suicide.
i have clear memories when i was 8 years old thinking about what it would be like to die.
i went to sleep every night of my young childhood saying the prayer:.
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Lady Lee
hemp lover
the older daughter has 3 children. I'm not going anywhere
kurtbethel
Near the end of my marriage I got involved in a few behaviors that were very dangerous, mostly speeding on the highway. I came very close to crashing the car one day - lost control and started zigzagging down an offramp. It scared me so much that I had to stop and pull over at the bottom of the ramp. The person behind me stopped also and said he thought for sure I was going to lose total control. It was I think an event that helped me realize I didn't want to be dead.
Like you I too have had bike accidents - one where if I had gone over the handlebars the other way a truck would have killed me for sure. Please be careful
flyinghighnow
We can only hope
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57
How Suicidal Thoughts can take over your Life.
by Lady Lee inhow suicidal thoughts can take over your life.. i lived most of my life thinking about suicide.
i have clear memories when i was 8 years old thinking about what it would be like to die.
i went to sleep every night of my young childhood saying the prayer:.
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Lady Lee
mammochan
the things their parents had taught them would always be there, and they would not forget. I think that will be true of your daughters, but in a different way. The person you are - loving, caring, kind, and compassionate - those qualities are in your children.
The problem is that when they were young the only mother they saw was a very messed up one. I had never dealt with my childhood abuse issues and was living with an emotionally abusive, controlling man. Emotionally I was a disaster trying to make everything look good on the outside. That had to affect them. They don't know the person I have become once all the other stuff was out of the way. I won't dump totally on me. Their father carries his own share of responsibility. And I did the best I could to not repeat my mother's mistakes. But I was still a broken person. Maybe one day they will see this part of me. I know the older one who sees me with her children has seen a very different person than the one she grew up with.
So how do we stop the suicidal thoughts from taking over?
We stop them immediately from taking over our thinking; by not using those thoughts as a crutch to avoid dealing with the pain we feel. We get the help we need and there are many ways of doing that. The thing with therapy is that it isn't just the 45 minutes (or whatever) we spend in the counselor's office. We have to take what we learn there and start using it every day.
Chris I was thinking about youy last night and the song "In the arms of an angel" Your arms have spread all the way north and you have been there for me. Thank you for being my angel.
No life isn't fair. But it is what we make of it. I want mine to be productive. I want to know I have repaired the damage others have caused and used it to help other people. I don't have much in this life but me. And I want "me" to be the best I can. Which I guess means I have to stick around. lol
I do not want to die. It was a momentary thought that I recognized as a danger signal. And clearly the pain was bigger than I thought it was. And it was time to seek help. My doctor suggested meds but I only want to do that if the talking doesn't help. And it is helping a great deal - even in just a few sessions talking to people.
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How Suicidal Thoughts can take over your Life.
by Lady Lee inhow suicidal thoughts can take over your life.. i lived most of my life thinking about suicide.
i have clear memories when i was 8 years old thinking about what it would be like to die.
i went to sleep every night of my young childhood saying the prayer:.
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Lady Lee
finally awake
I have no idea what will happen with my daughters. Right now I don't even want to think about what-if scenarios. I need to be focused on what I need right now. Maybe one day but not right now.
ÁrbolesdeArabia
When is it time to disconnect with loved ones? I think if they repeatedly bring you back into depression hell", or leave your head spinning for weeks after talking to them, it's a good idea to avoid them.
I have been able to do that with my mother and brothers but it is a lot harder to do when it is your child. But I have to set a boundary and then live by it.
LoisLane
Thank you for you r kind words. Believe me I bleed just like the next person. There was a time when I thought sharing my experiences was a sign of weakness. Over the years I have learned that talking about what I thought were weaknesses was actually showing strength. I'm no different than any one else. Pedestals are a hard place to perch on. So I share the ups and downs of life. There is strength in what we share if we can only find the courage to put it out there and keep doing that until people listen.
The purses - believe me I am not selling these things. I am still practicing and making a lot of mistakes err having a lot of learning experiences lol
How sad that your daughter has known so many who have taken their own lives.
crmsicl
I hope one day she wakes up and gets the help she needs. Not much more to be said about it. I do know I would find it very hard to trust her again.
Ding
That is what they want. They chain your heart and mind and yes soul to the point where death really is the only way out if you continue to believe they are somehow inspired by god.
They aren't!
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How Suicidal Thoughts can take over your Life.
by Lady Lee inhow suicidal thoughts can take over your life.. i lived most of my life thinking about suicide.
i have clear memories when i was 8 years old thinking about what it would be like to die.
i went to sleep every night of my young childhood saying the prayer:.
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Lady Lee
Lady Lee you made yourself vulnerable for the sake of others on JWN, that's real love and compassion!
You know I think my daughters don't know me very well. There is so much that as a parent you don't tell your kids. And they certainly don't want to know anything about the JWs. That leaves out a lot. They don't see this part of me at all. And they aren't quite at the stage yet where they come to realize maybe Mom wasn't so dumb after all.
Thank you Glander. I no longer want the Ace-up-my-sleeve. That is no way to live.
aussie You are so right Counseling can and does help. But if you don't hit it off with the first couselor find another. I do have an advantage over many people because I have been through this before and know what to look for in a counselor. I don't need someone to tell me what to do. That isn't the job of the counselor. But she knows the right questions to ask so that I can find my own answers.
The second counselor I saw -- I was explaining why I thought counseling was good. When we sit with our thoughts they race through our head so fast we can't pay attention to them. That is why we go over and over and over the same thigns without getting anywhere. Talking it out forces you to slow down th ethinking so you can "hear" what you are saying. Writing, an excellent therapeutic tool, forces us to slow the thinking down even more plus wee can go back and read what we put down. The worker liked that so much she asked me to repeat it so she could write it down.
mammochan
You are very right Help can come in many forms. Reading self-help books can help us find the words for our pain. Talking to other people with shared experiences can help a lot. (one reason why this website is so popular) Exercise can help a lot and yesterday I bought an exercier that I can use and doesn't compromise my foot problems. Creative outlets, volunteer work. There are so many things. But and this is important none of those things should ever replace therapy. We can't use them to avoid the problems. We have to deal with those regardless otherwise there is no end in site to the pain.
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How Suicidal Thoughts can take over your Life.
by Lady Lee inhow suicidal thoughts can take over your life.. i lived most of my life thinking about suicide.
i have clear memories when i was 8 years old thinking about what it would be like to die.
i went to sleep every night of my young childhood saying the prayer:.
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Lady Lee
A few weeks ago I never would have dreamed that I would ever have even 1 thought again about suicide.
One thought is one thought too many and I did not want to put off getting help and take a wait-and-see attitude. With my history of thinking about it daily for almost 30 years it is a habit too easily picked up again and that was what that one thought was like - a drinker who takes that one drink, or the smoker who takes that one puff and slides right back into avoiding the problems and medicating them with any form of addiction. And for me thinking about suicide was like an addiction.
Not my doctor or the workers I saw thought I was being overly dramatic. When my sister committed suicide 6 years ago I spoke to my doctor about it. She started an assessment on me in the office and I thought it was funny because I used to do that to other people. But she took me seriously then and realized my risk was low. But this time she made the immediate referral. My risk had gone too high and she wasn't fooling around either.
I am so grateful to her and the other workers who all sat and listened to me.
I have a lot of support around me and I know I will be okay. My worker is going to help me develop a strategy to deal with my other daughter who is caught in the middle and playing avoiding talking to me because she doesn't want to deal with the issues.
The worst of this happened the same weekend we all found out about oompa. I really didn't want to open this discussion at that time. Everybody needed an outlet and an opportunity to deal with that trauma first.
So here I still am willing to open the discussion.
It is a very dark place to live believing the pain will never end. Most of the time I was hanging on by a thread. Definitely getting away from the JWs helped a lot. Then I could for the first time in my life think about a future. I still want a future regardless of what shape it takes.
I have a new hobby - making purses. First one was real crap but it was supposed to be my "mistakes" trial run. Second one was better but not great. My third one is coming out beautifully.
I am also working on forming a community group for people with acquired disabilities, mostly people in wheelchairs who have had to alter their lives drastically when the disability took over their lives. It is a traumatic experience that no one in the community seems to be addressing. So far there is a lot of interest for it.
So I am keeping busy at home and trying to get this group together. Life goes on - one day at a time